Bullying

I don't think I need to tell anyone that bullying has been pushed to the forefront of the media lately, and specifically teens who commit suicide as a result of bullying. Given this, I feel compelled to share my own story in the hopes that it will be enlightening to others.

I was bullied relentlessly for almost all of my childhood. And it was never for anything in particular, it was just that I was "weird." I remember wondering what that could even really mean, and wishing they would be more specific so that maybe I could change whatever it was that made me so unlikeable. And when I wasn't being tormented, I was being shunned. Completely. I didn't have a friend in the world to reaffirm that I had value in the world of my peers.

I developed major depression. I don't think I ever seriously considered suicide, but I know I thought about it. Honestly I don't remember much from that time period, I guess I've blocked it out. I wonder if I would be alive today if things had continued on the way they were then. I am not sure that I would be. But in 9th grade, something intervened, and that is what I want to tell you about.

When I was fourteen I discovered Twisted Sister. Yes, the guys with the big hair from the 80's. I listened to their music and it seemed to be all about loving yourself and not caring about what other people think, and how you and what makes you happy are more important than anything anyone else can say to you. Not exactly a novel concept, I am sure I had heard it before, but for whatever reason THAT is what got through to me. THAT is what made the difference. I learned from Twisted Sister to separate how I view myself and my value from how I am treated by others.

This turned out to be a valuable skill. You may have already put the pieces together yourself, but I'll spell it out. I discovered as an adult, just this past February in fact, that the "weird" that got me shunned as a child and teenager was actually autism. It's not something I am going to grow out of, and unfortunately it is not something that adults handle much more gracefully than school children. I will probably always be bullied in some way, for the same things I was bullied for as a child. It may not ever really get better.

But now, it has almost no effect on me. It still hurts and it's still disappointing when people aren't kind to me, but I don't internalize it anymore. I know my value and nothing anyone can do or say can take that away from me. And I got that from Twisted Sister.

I wanted to write this because I see so many people feeling like they are powerless to help their children and their friends to cope with bullying. There is a way to get these kids through alive. It doesn't have to be some grand and complex cure-all that swoops down from the sky to save the day. It doesn't have to be something that we dismiss as unknown or out of reach. Little insignificant things can change a persons life, and you never know where the light at the end of the tunnel for someone is going to show itself. It can be a hug, a kind word, a dinner with family, an off the cuff remark, a coach, a priest, a grandparent, a pet, a sport, or even a musician. It doesn't take the hand of god coming down from the sky to smite bullies to get kids to develop the self-esteem and self-assurance to get them through life. All people, but kids who are dealing with bullying in particular, need to be exposed to as many positive influences as humanly possible. Because you never know when some seemingly insignificant little thing is going to make the difference, and it only takes ONE moment to change a life, and in some cases, to save one.

We can all be a part of the solution to this problem. You may be a parent, a friend, a neighbor, a coach, whatever-- whatever you are, you are something to someone. Use that relationship as an opportunity to be a positive influence. Because you never know if you could be the one that makes the difference. We have all seen enough news stories about children being put into caskets in their prom dresses because they were bullied to death before even graduating high school. We've seen enough. Don't let yourself be made to feel like you are helpless. You are not. It only takes the one positive influence that manages to break through. Just the one. That can be you.






And, on the other hand, it just takes one person, one moment, to shove someone that is teetering over the edge. Maybe one seemingly insignificant little mean thing you did can mean life or death for the person you are bullying. Don't be an idiot. Don't think that because you can make a mean comment about someone and forget about it five minutes later, that means that the person you hurt will ever forget. You never know, you could be the one that pushes a person to the breaking point. Just because you didn't purposefully stand right behind them and shove does not mean that what you did was not significant. Grow up and choose to do right by other people. Just as one person, one positive influence, has the power to save someone's life-- you have the power to push someone to end theirs. This is your chance to evaluate the way you treat people and whether or not you like what you do to the people around you. This is your chance to change. Take it.