So I found a forum for people with aspergers. The doctor told me that though autism is the most accurate diagnostic label for me, I may identify more with people that have aspergers. That seems to be true. The forum is kind of a downer because it seems the symptoms of mine that are most severe take a back seat to other things for other people, so we don't seem to relate very well. They also don't seem to be quite as social as I am, which I expected, though people with autism tend to be pretty social online given that is a much easier avenue for us. (Which explains why I have not gotten off the internet since I was, oh I don't know, 8 years old.)

It's nice to know why I have felt invisible for such a long time... people DO ignore people that make them feel uncomfortable, and apparently something in my first impression is putting people off, and that's why they never end up talking to me again. Okay, I get that. I just wish close friends and family hadn't made it worse when I told them about it. My parents are avoiding me, pretty much everyone I have told said, "oh okay" and are now pretending like nothing is different, when I am going through the SHOCK OF MY LIFE. I don't know if nobody cares, or if they are just ignoring it because it's awkward. People ignore me because I am awkward all the time, so the latter should come as no surprise, but it really does make me angry. Nobody is so god damned awesome that they can justify ignoring someone or something just because it's awkward-- especially something so major and life changing as this. I am here. I am an actual human being, same as anyone else, and I am going through a serious life changing thing all by myself. Acknowledge me, damn it.