It is becoming increasingly obvious that my best is never good enough. Ever. Even in the most mundane sort of ways, like makings sure my house guests leave by 10 and cleaning up my breakfast dishes. I try REALLY hard and genuinely do my best to do all the things I am supposed to do and do them right, but it's never good enough. And on top of that, my mom is a nagger, so it's almost CONSTANT nagging and correcting and scolding. And if I say I need help, or that I did my best, the response is always the same. "You're 21 years old!" Constantly reminding me of my age is not going to change anything. REALLY, it's NOT! I feel so fucking defeated every single day, and I have to wonder why I even bother trying if my efforts are never rewarded anyway since they're just never good enough.

I try to just celebrate the small victories. Maybe I scratched the car trying to get out of the parking structure today, but I passed my Spanish exam. I didn't get my house guest out on time yesterday, but I actually HAD A GUEST. I didn't think to rinse out my oatmeal dish before it hardened, but I woke up on time and had time to shower and eat breakfast before school. I am not dead, injured, or failing out of school, and my relationship is still solid. I think I am doing pretty well, damn it! I just wish the world gave you credit for the small victories. They don't seem to matter to anyone but me.